Wow! What does that word mean? What feelings does it bring up? Pain, separation, difference?
Loneliness is a condition of grave concern among mental health care professionals. Clients often speak of the pain of loneliness as if it were actual, physical pain. Research is beginning to recognize that the brain experiences loneliness in much the same way as it does physical pain. Yes, loneliness is painful.
Loneliness can “hit” at any time. Being alone isn’t necessarily lonely. One can feel lonelier than ever surrounded by family and friends. Loneliness is an inner experience. Oy! What a conundrum.
The fact is everyone experiences loneliness at some time, but what we do with it, and about it, is the key. The remedy doesn’t necessarily lie in “getting out.” Maybe a different way to look at it is to “get out of yourself.”
We tend to look at others’ experiences and judge ourselves, harshly, because ours don’t look as “pretty, fun, glamorous, fulfilling, rewarding, enough.” We judge their outside display by our inner experience. When we do this, we ALWAYS come out the loser. We forget that others only show us what they want us to see and know. Just like us, they want love, approval and acceptance.
Perspective is often helpful. No, not your best friend who says, “but you have so much going for you …” No perspective is the small shift on the kaleidoscope that creates a different picture altogether.
How? Well, let’s look at love. How do you define that? Is love about the perfect partner to complete you? Is love only about romance and relationships? What about love from friends? What about love from pets? What about love for yourself? Wow! That’s a whole lot of love.
Do you love yourself? Yes, truly love yourself? True love for self is not conceited and prideful. It is about compassion for and acceptance of everything about yourself; cellulite, blemishes, crooked teeth and glasses.
Love is as necessary for long term health and quality of life as a healthy diet, exercise and sleep. But, and here’s the rub, many, many people say and think, “yeah, but if only you knew…, you’d know why I’m unlovable to myself and of course you would never love me if you knew.” This is the first place of separation, and it is a lie.
There is no perfection. Let me say that again, there is no perfection. We are all flawed. We come into life flawed and we will leave the same way. In that way we are perfectly, wonderfully human. There’s the first shift of the kaleidoscope.
So how do I get past this you might be asking? Forgive. Yup, you got it, forgive yourself.
Would you reject a wounded animal who tried to hurt you when you were only trying to help? I think, probably not. Well then, can you have compassion for yourself as wounded somewhere. These wounds translate into flaws and then grow in proportion until they are overwhelmingly big and unforgivable.
Let me tell you, though it may be hard, there is nothing unforgivable, with some work. So, work on forgiving yourself so you can begin loving yourself.
When you can truly love yourself, you will notice the loneliness quotient going down. When you love yourself, you will be able to love another. That’s really good news because then you will attract others just like you into your world. Yeah!
Wow! I guess that about sums it up; love acceptance and approval, all from a little thing like forgiveness. Who would have thought it possible?
Life is full of pain, but suffering is a choice. Loneliness is choosing suffering. Aren’t you worth more? I think so.