The experience of therapy is unique for every individual and each session is unique in itself. At the very least it is a safe place to talk. Ideally, it is so much more.
When you walk into a therapist’s office for the first time it will, most often, be furnished in a way that reflects the therapist’s personal and professional ‘style.’ There may be diplomas on the wall or not. There may be artwork and photos or not. There may be chairs and a couch, or just chairs. The therapist may have a desk or not. The therapist may sit in an office chair or an easy chair. The furnishings are as individual as each of our living rooms are. They reflect who we are and how we see ourselves. Most importantly, the therapist’s office will probably be designed and furnished to create a comfortable atmosphere in which you feel safe to just be yourself.
Next is the therapist as the individual. Therapists come from all different educational, professional, and theoretical backgrounds. Some therapists are right out of school, young and enthusiastic, full of knowledge but perhaps a little lean on life experiences, but they are fabulous. Other therapists have traveled through many different careers and infuse each session with their wealth of life experiences, wisdom and knowledge. Is one better than another? No, they are just different. The one that is best is the one that ‘fits’ you best.
Now, let’s look at the session itself. What is that like? I don’t know what it’s like in other offices, but in mine each session is a conversation. I might ask, “What’s on your mind that is high jacking your thoughts and/or joy today? What is coming up for you that is bigger than you can wrap your arms around?” You might ask, “How do you get from here to there? Where do I fit in the world? How can I make a difference? “
From here we talk. This conversation is powerful in its ability to shift one’s focus from the minute to the magnificent. Think about a kaleidoscope for a minute. When you look through the tube there are many colors and shapes at the distant end that create a picture. What happens when you turn the dial? Well, the shapes shift and the picture changes, sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically. Nothing has really changed, though. You just turned the dial.
Well, that is one of the many tools to learn in therapy; how to shift perspective from a focus on the small to using a wider lens and seeing a bigger picture. You know the idiom, “I can’t see the forest for the trees?” Well, in the middle of the forest all you can see is the trees. In therapy you learn to have a 1,000-foot view to see the entire forest, the bigger picture, if you will.
Therapy is a place to learn a new language, the language of feelings and emotions. It is mind-boggling to know there are several hundred words to describe feelings? Most people use only a handful of words to describe how they feel: angry, mad, sad, lonely, afraid, embarrassed, lost, yet we feel so much more and struggle to name our experience. That is something to look forward to learning in therapy.
Then there is the “emotional toolbox.” A master craftsman has a very specialized toolbox from which to select the best tool for each project. Imagine if you hired someone to redo your kitchen and all they had was a hammer. They wouldn’t get very far and you wouldn’t be very happy with the end result. Well, many people arrive at adulthood with only the equivalent of a hammer in their emotional toolbox. Life is multi-dimensional and it is necessary to have an assortment of skills to manage the variety of experiences life will present us. In therapy you will learn skills and techniques to assist you in coping more effectively.
To sum it up in a few words, in my view, therapy is sort of like gardening. It takes place with an individual who works collaboratively assisting you to examine your inner landscape and look for areas that need weeding and pruning in order to promote growth. The therapist has many tools to offer and will provide encouragement, support and feedback to assist you to grow into the best you possible.